Centred in Self

The word Self-Centred has such a convoluted meaning. Most of us think a self-centred person is one who cares only about him/herself. Which is right. But we need to also throw some thought out there for the one who is centred in the self. By that, I would say this is a person who is so stable and centred in his/her mind that all decisions and responses come as a culmination of the best decisions.

Recently, I happened to discover that someone who I work with but never truly observed who possessed this trait. It is a joy to work with someone like this as they are always clear about themselves. No fear and most importantly no worries. He always told me, why worry when there is nothing that is going to change because of it. Instead, transform that worry into persistence and the refusal to be helpless.

Being centred means no unnecessary reactions to external stimuli. Every response is from the soul. From the heart. A product of instinct and logic.

For a self centred person, everything is about him/herself. But for a person centred in the self, it is all about living his/her life and responding to life to the benefit of others and self. It is a path of righteousness.

Book – Three Truths of Well Being – by Sadhguru

Been a while since I was so desperate to read a book till its end. No matter how sleepy I was, time had to be made every night to complete a part of this one. Perhaps the word to describe it is “Simplicity”. Sadhguru has actually given a short, sweet and contrite set of material on how to approach life by covering the three most basic simple things.

Body, Food and Mind

That’s it. He has not gone round and round trying to explain something which we don’t even know. Instead, he has left his words for us to decide. Believe it or don’t, doesn’t matter. He has just given instructions based on experiences and the collective knowledge of our elders. What I loved most is that he has not tried justifying anything. He just says “here’s the truth. Here is the checklist. Try it out.”

As icing on the cake, there are simple, clear instructions at the end of each chapter for those interested. They are indeed feasible and anyone can try them for a peek into oneself. No hold barred, no preparation necessary, no religious connotations. Just basic humanity being addressed. There is also an Isha Kriya DVD with the book for a very simple start into meditation for those interested.

I will be reading this book again and would ask you to try it too.

Dropping Bogies

The 6.00 am rumble of the train woke me up. Another hour to go. Standing outside looking at the endless track with the cool breeze hitting the face served as a reminder of what life bestowed. The oncoming train signalled another’s life process.

We all bundle up our emotions, thoughts, feelings at each phase of our life and compartmentalize them. We go back to that bogie when we want to. We never really need to go back to it. But we thrive on living in that bogie of thoughts for a while as it comforts us.

Along the way, we gather many bogies till a time comes when we start wondering why life is a drag. Rarely do we realize that our additional forgotten bogies are weighing us down. Many bogies mean richer experience but the strength required to pull them may lack. We need to drop many a bogie along the way. The experience has happened. It is done. Now we need to move on with renewed gusto.

Drop a bogie, one at a time. Say goodbye to it happily for it was necessary at the time, but not now. Keep adding bogies too, the new, strong, shining, useful ones.

Hsin Hsin Ming – The Book of Nothing

 

Rarely has a book moved me into just shutting up. Books instill anything from breezy natured laughs to deep crusted messages languishing within us for a few days or months depending on the passion of the author pouring out years of experience transformed into words. But this book has been something of an anoetic paradox. It is a mirror without the silver coating that shows us the simplicity of our existence.

Hsin Hsin Ming is the best known words of the laconic third Zen patriarch, Sosan (Sengstan). The concept of Zen was born sometime when the Buddhism of India met the Tao of China.

Sosan was a Master of very few words. His statements had dimensions of depth in them which was difficult to interpret by the common man. Hsin Hsin Ming has been regarded as such a great set of principles by Osho that he translated it for the benefit of others.

The words in this book are the result of a wonderfully distilled set for you have the best coming out of Sosan, Buddha and Osho merely interpreting our daily predicaments as we search for our true roles in our lives. Existing and living are two completely different things. We desire fame, recognition, individuality while water, earth and air move naturally towards the depths.

I can do no justice any further in describing the book. Below are three humorous excerpts which answer many simple questions. For those confused between the head and the heart, this book offers solace, a path and a figurative slap on the face. A must have.

 

    

Superstition of Gold

The air was so thick with smoke. Autos spewing white fumes burnt my eyes. The helmet didn’t help. My brain was getting cooked in it on this hot summer evening. The traffic wouldn’t move for the last 5 minutes. Surrounding me on the road were some of the most expensive cars money could buy. Jaguars, BMWs, dime a dozen Mercs, even a Range Rover. The traffic police were salivating as they fined every car and bike owner for having parked in the No-Parking zones outside the gold shops at Panjagutta. This was the Akshaya Tritiya pandemonium which happens every year to reveal the heights of superstition by humanity pinning hopes of prosperity on that elusive Auric element.

Every gold shop was full. People were jostling about to purchase even a gram of gold. Because buying gold on this day would supposedly herald the next year of richness and prosperity. As if the man made system of days and years was going to control our actions and somehow forgive our sins to give us only wealth. The earth keeps revolving around the sun. That didn’t change. The hot summer was upon us. That didn’t change either. People were born, living and dying. Even that didn’t change. So for the life of me, I cannot fathom why people go berserk on this day and throw all their faith on the atomic soft yellow element hoping it will magically turn their lives into alchemy.

Superstition has plagued us for ages and always will. It is the basis for satisfying our hurt egos when something goes wrong. Because humans have always found it difficult to accept themselves as the root cause for anything. A few examples:

1. As per vaastu, south facing houses are a strict no. So these houses are never built as far as possible. Yet, in this same country of Indians, south facing houses are considered the most auspicious in Tamil Nadu. I wonder whether they were made upside down or whether the rest of the country was. Either ways, everyone’s alive and kicking.

2. Do not sleep with your head towards the north. Because Lord Ganesha lost his head when defending his mother Parvathi against his father Shiva. So Shiva plonked the first available animal’s head found in the north (no guesses for which animal) on the boy’s decapitated body and created Lord Ganesha. Therefore the belief is we should not sleep towards the north either. But a human’s internal magnetic system is aligned with the earth’s magnetic field. It is a healing process and this means we should sleep with our heads towards the north. But who wins this argument? And what about the Christians, Muslims, Jains, Buddhists etc.? Who’s going to tell them not to sleep with their heads towards the north?

3. Sneezing before starting an activity is bad. But 2 sneezes in a row is ok. Or if only one sneeze happened, then wait for some time before beginning the activity. How much time? No one knows. Some say 5 minutes all the way upto half an hour.

Superstition happened when humans had more time on their hands and tried explaining all that happened to go one up on the other. Over the ages, so many have come about that they are now an integral part of our lives. It has become a belief system which gives us much relief when things go our way and a way to throw the blame on the divine when things don’t.

Animals have no such beliefs. They just follow the laws of nature. Even domesticated dogs and cats know when an earthquake is about to happen. Their sixth sense tells them so and they begin running for no apparent reason known to us. Same for other animals. Their sixth sense helps them move to areas of safety when the earth is about to shift. We have blocked our sixth senses with so much clutter of the mind and instead resort to buying a metal like gold on a man made day of the year because our actions will somehow be tuned to attracting more wealth. Such a Pavlovian method of thought.

The earth still revolves around the sun. The traffic cops along with the hot summer breeze must have laughed yesterday to see everyone doing frog leaps to barter a natural element paid for with artificially valued paper.

Female Infanticide

11.11.11 is a hallmark day for womanhood in India. The high court in Punjab has given the death penalty to a father who killed his 3 day old girl baby. While many a citizen would be happy with this judgement, there is finally justice served for atleast one life.

How a parent can look into the eyes of his/her own flesh and blood, a 2.5 kilo squealing bundle of joy, only to kill her after that is beyond me. I mean, there are still human rights issues regarding abortions in the first trimester but the argument can be made that there is no foetus formed yet. But to steel the heart, look at the helpless, new born, trusting child and then snuff it out is possible only when premeditated and well into the cruelty domain.

Hopefully, this judgment should act as a strong deterrent for those planning the same act. But as the country is too large and many births go unregistered, more girls will be killed after birth without anyone’s knowledge. And many of these are done by the elderly ladies themselves. The very same gender that brought forth the family carries out the act or dumps babies in dustbins without dignity.

But nature always has her ways to maintain balance. Grooms in Punjab find it difficult to obtain local brides as there aren’t too many left. Over time, the law of demand and supply will prevail. Too many men and too few women will tip the favor on the side of the women who will get to choose their partners at will and hopefully reduce the burden of dowry. The law will have to get stricter to save the few existing women or else face the danger of a gene pool getting wiped out. But on the flip side, rapes and sexual harassment incidents will increase and more safety nets will be required for women.

A fact needs to be mentioned here. The British government examined the statistics of the abortions being done within the UK. They were surprised to find that the trends clearly shows the direct proportion of abortions on the rise once the Indian families found out the foetus was a female. There is no PNDT in the UK and the sex of the foetus is openly shared as they do not discriminate between the sexes. The native British did not abort on the basis of gender.  This adds to the complexity of bringing in a new law which cannot be applicable to only Indians living in the UK.

What can be done? In cities, the process of change is already underway with more girls getting educated than before. Treating either gender with equality will go a long way. Enforcement of dowry reduction will also help. Most importantly, the laws need to be enforced quickly. Its only when the government shows its seriousness that people start changing, atleast out of fear. Another change should be to empower women and bring them up as independent thinkers, to be unafraid of their decisions and stand by them as family when they need support.

That said, the judgment passed is hopefully the first step on the long road to eradicating female infanticide. I wonder what Durga Mata or the Virgin Mary has to say about this.

Unconditional Love and The Gilded Cage

A financial planner asked one of his clients while he was doing up their portfolio “What is your retirement plan?” The man answered without any hesitation, “My son”. It gives a whole new meaning to the word unconditional love. The son has to “earn” the love of his parents and the baby boy’s little shoulders at birth have already been burdened with the future of taking care of his parents. To further drive the point home, daughters are also loved but with a feeling that one day, she will leave home. So there is no need to spend too much on her education or invest on her. Let her future husband do it. Times are changing but this is prevalent in many families. Loving a child with a future expected reaction is akin to building a gilded cage, beautifully decorated and keeping the child within its boundaries. The cage looks good and the child is mentally programmed to do as per the parents’ wishes after adulthood.

We do not have children to be our safety cushion. We have children to experience the joy of parenthood, to give our very best to them and to see them fly away ultimately as they seek their own futures. But since the children are attached from birth to the family, it is the sole responsibility of the parents to show them freedom and allow them to make the right choices, even if it means going far, far away. Upbringing has its ways of moulding the child to “earn” the love of his/her parents. The decision to look after the parents during old age is more weighted on the freewill of the children than the demands of the parents.

Now when it comes to unconditional love among couples, this is what is also termed True Love. This kind of an emotional reaching out is said to be one of the most implicit feelings felt toward the significant other. A feeling of always wanting to be around or be there with the other. The feeling is also stronger as the “other” is hitherto unknown and yet has struck something within the heart to make it rise in song. But developing an attachment could be only a one way affair. Having a desire or expectation in this case is again creating a gilded cage and hoping the significant other will fly in all by himself/herself. But what if the other does not share the same feeling? Then the empty cage of expectation still sits on the shoulders and weighs us down. Instead, throw off that cage and feel the buoying of the soul as it reaches the ethers. Feel because you want to feel. Love is again all about freewill of the soul.

Just as a true friend cannot be possessed, a true love can never be possessed. It brings more joy to love and acknowledge that the other has opened up compassion and a brighter view of life. Give thanks to the other for instilling this new view and let him/her go. No expectation brings no sorrow. Internalize this feeling of love and make it unconditional. Nothing is expected from the other. If reciprocation happens, be grateful. Otherwise, watch the other find happiness and know that nothing was lost.

Live and let live. Love and let go. Everyone’s a winner.

Tip & Thank

Who do you tip?

• I tip the exhausted hotel bike parking attendants. They have a thankless job of arranging bikes in the rain, sun, wind and sewerage
• I tip the doorman. They have to salute us even though we are not their masters.
• I tip the sweating courier boys. They run around to give you what you couldn’t have gotten anyway.
• I tip the dirty street kid selling balloons. My child enjoys the warmth of a car but not this equally darling child who stands in that pollution. 
• I tip the municipal workers who work in foul smells everyday. They clean up our crap and we don’t even notice them.

Who do you thank?

• I thank the angry kirana store owner. It brightens up his day.
• I thank the grumpy bank cashier. His face livens up to wish me back
• I thank our office maintenance chaps. They work in the background with no air conditioning to give it to us instead
• I thank customer service representatives. They fix my problems.
• I thank the security guards and police. They have to keep miscreants at bay for our sake.
• I thank my colleagues at work. I wouldn’t be here without them.
• I thank my family for keeping me happy. I wouldn’t be living my life without them.
• I thank my critics. They act as my mirror
• I thank the universe for making me, me.

Pollen in the Wind

I know not where I go. know not where I’ll be.
I trust the wind, my path she chose for me.
Millions of us, the potential of life
Pass through fields, torn with strife

All of us, in the wind we sway
Some of us die, others go astray
The chosen ones decide, where they fall
To beauty and grace, be trees so tall

I know no anger, jealousy or rage,
I’ll love you for always, though life’s a stage
I search for you, long to be warm
Close to your heart, away from scorn

Other than you, I need none
Maybe the wind, and maybe the sun
For my life is small, and before I’m thinned
Find you I shall, a pollen in the wind

Creative Director–Power of feelings

 

www.purpleheart.co.uk

This video has the capability to either rip your heart in two or implode it within your chest. The Creative Director of this video or the idea is a person who understands the meaning of human values and knows exactly where to hit humanity. It thrusts hidden emotions to the surface and halted me for a few seconds.

I had the privilege of working with a member of the creative team of Sista Saatchi & Saatchi (SS & S), Hyderabad back in 1997. SS&S was a company with a few big names under its belt and the best recall I have till date is how the Creative Director is worshipped in ad agency by some and hated by others.

Very often in an ad agency, associates down the hierarchy think that all it takes is one good idea. Some of them work under the Creative Director and then decide to start their own ad agency by taking away some business. Agreed. But coming up with that trump card of an idea requires wisdom and years of many failures in understanding people. Yes, failure. Because only in failure do you realize mistakes and fine tune your faculties and the mind to respect the purpose of man being put on this earth as the highest being of intelligence.

We take our 5 senses for granted. A friend of mine has anosmia. This means the “inability to smell”. This friend cannot smell a rose. Or any of the billion other fragrances for that matter. Ever wondered how this would be? This friend has no need to walk into a perfume store or cannot choose flowers for a loved one. Life is quite simple in a way but also so much missed.

If you’ve been racing till now, take a break to smell the roses (pun intended). Tell your loved ones how much you care for them. Go for a walk and give thanks to the universe for your existence. For we are a miniscule dot in this universe. And still so needed.

Childish = Childlike? No way!

 

Image: http://my.qoop.com/store/Amy-S-Nicolazzo-3751218405000160/Become-More-And-More-Innocent--Less-Knowledgeable--And-More-Childlike-qpps_173220318787385/#

This keeps coming up again and again. There is a world of difference between these two mentalities and the way they are interpreted. More often than not, a perception regarded is in the mind of the beholder.

Have you ever seen the face of a child in thought? Have you seen a child looking at a fire? The child knows something is off but still reaches out with his/her hand, those tiny perfectly formed fingers getting closer. There is some trepidation in the child’s face displaying eagerness as it delves into the unknown. Getting too close, the child realizes that the heat is increasing with every closing inch and finally when it is too hot to handle, he/she retreats.

It is the next moment that is the revealing one. The child displays a huge expression of understanding and pride on that cute little face for having learnt something new. It is this awareness in each of us which needs to be nurtured and kept on the top always. A childlike attitude is endearing, loving and lovable. It is devoid of any masks and makes one attractive to other people. It is very easy to fall in love with a childlike person. There is no need to tiptoe around them nor do they expect white lies.

A childlike person is also innocent and can be taken for a ride many many times. Pity the one who has the cruelty to do this for the childlike one knows no vengeance. Experimentation, simplicity and forthrightness are virtues of the childlike. But a childlike person is also deeply mature as there is a quiet understanding from within owed to the power of observation. It is this meld of love and maturity that is so precious.

A childish person on the other hand is naïve and immature. Childishness is expected in a child because the ego is still forming; the child is developing its own identity; the “I” is happening. Growing into an adult, there are expectations from society and one’s own self to mature and understand the millions of complex emotions working in nature. But a staunch refusal to see what’s ahead or adapt by pretending its not there makes for a childish nature.

Each of us was a child. No escaping that and no bypassing that. The soul of a child is to be retained in every aspect of our daily lives. When we work, play, talk, even clean a toilet. Approaching every activity with this first time innocence keeps your energy alive.

Be a child in the purest sense.

Fear - The greatest motivator

It is fairly common these days to read about how self-motivated the successful people are. The prodigies and the self-made business tycoons inspire us with their stories. And the most common thread to all these people is the fact that they’re self motivated. A deep desire from within to push forth and be the best in whatever they want to be and do.

Yet, each and every one of us have different motivational factors. Some work better when they’re relaxed and some need pressure to perform. But perhaps it is fear that is the basis for all ambitions.

Taking a corporate office as an example, one sees the average performers move along in their work-grind out of the fear of being replaced. Competition and peer pressure forces them to look at what’s happening around and use those benchmarks to better themselves. The below average performers always look over their shoulder waiting for that pink slip. The fear of being laid off makes them stay awake and plod along.

But the star performers, that’s another story. These are people who’re so completely engrossed in the finality. They see the goal and visualize it coming closer. With a vengeance, each failure along the way is studied and granulated and improved upon resulting in a razor sharp focus. But yet again, it is fear that drives them. The fear of not bettering what they did today. The fear of becoming lackadaisical.

Every human being has that potential within themselves to be the best at something in their lives. Few of us ever get to know and be what we truly are good at. The majority of us give in to what comes our way and end up doing a “job”. The really lucky ones get to work on their hobbies and make a living out of it. For it is in this state of mind that one becomes a star, afraid yet motivated by the fear of the self.

A good samaritan

A refreshing experience it was at school today. Parked the car in an unobtrusive space to allow traffic to move. Following the traffic rules has its disadvantages too. Another chauffeur driven car came up and blocked us plumb with the chauffeur conveniently vanishing while we went to drop off the little one at school.

After due contemplation, I tried moving the bikes around to make some space to take my dinky little 800 out. Seeing me perspire, another man just came over and helped me move all the bikes around without being asked. He spent a good 5 minutes moving everything around just to give us space to take the car out.

t'was a reminder and a justification that people are still very nice and help out without being asked for it. God bless that man because I would've found it really hard to get the car out by myself. Humanity lives on!